Her Story in Her Own Words on 40 pages
KC had written diaries & journals ever since she was 13. These were private and I had never read them until now.
As I started to scan through them, I realized that perhaps I could tell her story in her own words! But where to start?
Then, purely by accident, I came across twenty sheets of her handwriting - both front and back sides - on cream-colored stationary. These had been inserted into a book titled “My Catholic Devotions”, itself contained in a matching, gold-colored gift box.
After reading it, and rereading it, I realized I'd found a true starting point for her story.
These 40 pages of handwriting started in the Summer of 1975, almost a year after we'd moved from Massachusetts to SoCal, and that just six months after we'd gotten married.
My newlywed wife on the balcony of our 1st apartment, Marlboro, MA
More excerpts from July 22, 1975...
I allowed as how I was very afraid as we discussed my future but He said all I had to do was be willing. He said he would not give me more than I could take – and somewhat chivalrously I argued with His choice of the word take – saying give me as much as you can give me – but he smiled and said nothing.
Then I said I was afraid again and I said I was a coward and again He smiled and said – "Yes, my little coward" and a number of times He called me that though I felt very ashamed.
Then I asked Him if I was His rose, thinking of Joan of Arc and St. Theresa and here He almost laughed – "No," he said, ”You are my cactus!” And I laughed, too, though perhaps at heart I was a little hurt – but I laughed because I knew it was true.
“You are a thorn,” He said – “You will catch people on your sharpness like the cactus.”
From August 13, 1975...
Today I prayed with joy as I am coming closer to Jesus. Yet I was troubled over these words and visions of mine – I experienced doubts as to their authenticity. Jesus spoke clearly, "Do not look for bright lights – after all, the devil could send those. No, rather you will see Me by your faith, your love, and your good deeds to others." At this point it was as though the devil railed against me with bad thoughts – like darkness against the light of God’s good voice. The devil torments me often, I said. "You must fight against bad thoughts," said Jesus, "to do this, call upon My name."
From September 20, 1975...
He leads me to say that those who prophesy peace mislead our nation and they shall be doomed. And He showed me how we must pray for His justice as well as His mercy.
Concerning Russia – He will lead her back the way she came – even as Ezekial said of Assyria and Jerusalem and so forth. Of wars I must speak of hard and painful times – but by this justice of the Lord we shall gain His mercy, so be grateful.
Our greatest weapon is prayer. Pray as Jesus Christ has told us to pray – in the quiet of our rooms, alone, where only the Father can see us.
From September 24, 1975...
I love only God – in Him are all good things – these I love, but through Him.
Where are your songs of joy, of gladness, children of God – where are your glad hearts?
The Lord is like the cool breeze which makes all creatures glad on a hot summer's day. He sings a song of joy to us, He whispers in our ears: Come my children, let us dance, to the halls of the King we shall go. Tall trees make its walls, a cool river is its floor – yes, this is the palace of the Lord. We shall dance on the silver waters and the voice of God will sing: My loves, look up and see the sun, your brother, He comes to join your joy – And the rays of the sun dance on the river of life – the tall green trees sway in the whispering breeze – and the children of God are glad.
Last entry on these sheets, September 28, 1975...
The Lord Jesus told of an approaching storm in which the tree would stand firm despite the swirling waters and the heavy, dark winds. "Its fruits will cling to it and the storm shall be of no avail against it." Even now rays of sunlight occasionally pierce the gray clouds that hover over me.
He says for me not to fear, that the Lord God, Jesus Christ is with me. He said I shall hear the silver bell of truth pealing, always, tolling the death knoll for some, and the resurrection for others.
But must I tell you that all I wish for is to live in Jesus Christ in peace? Now the time of knowing has ceased for me – how strong must the roots of this tree be.
