July 22, 1975

    We had quite a discussion about sacrifice.    Immediately He brought that up and said I would have to be willing to make some sacrifices and suffer for Him.  

    He reminded me of when I was 3 or 4 years old, one day – I had laid down in the afternoon on the big double bed I slept in, which was covered with a white bedspread.    I had felt drawn to look at the crucifix over my bed and I had spread my arms like that and had said – in my mind – to Him that I wanted to share in that.    Even then I felt rather embarrassed.  

    Anyway, He said now, as advice, be willing to suffer like the 3 year old you were.  

    I allowed as how I was very afraid as we discussed my future but He said all I had to do was be willing.    He said he would not give me more than I could take – and somewhat chivalrously I argued with His choice of the word take – saying give me as much as you can give me – but he smiled and said nothing.  

    Then I said I was afraid again and I said I was a coward and again He smiled and said  – "Yes, my little coward" and a number of times He called me that though I felt very ashamed.  

      Then I asked Him if I was His rose, thinking of Joan of Arc and St. Theresa and here He almost laughed – "No," he said, ”You are my cactus!”   And I laughed, too, though perhaps at heart I was a little hurt – but I laughed because I knew it was true.  

      “You are a thorn,” He said – “You will catch people on your sharpness like the cactus.”

    Then I asked Him to bless my family and Peter’s family and especially to bring Sue and Dave to Him as I know they are dear to His heart, which is why I think of them often.  

    He said then, now you will have many temptations to fight against; be strong.  

    At this point Peter started to toss and turn – and it made me angry because I thought I would lose the Lord.  

    "I will go when I will go," He said, “Don’t you know that?    Don't be angry with him – love your husband well – if it weren't for him you probably wouldn't be here talking to me, as you know” — and I did know, and I said I was sorry.     He stressed that I should be good to Peter, again.  

    Then I was afraid to ask for fear of the answer but I felt compelled to,

    “When shall I have a child?" 

    And He said,  "Do not worry about that.     The time will come and you will know it."  

    But what about the church? I asked.  

    "Respect her and love her," He said, "but use sense.   Trust me." 

    I had begged Him not to go and now I did again.    "How will I know what I'm doing is right," I begged.  

    And He smiled, though a bit ironically.   "I will let you know when you've done wrong.   Haven't I always?" 

    At this point His presence became too much for me and He spoke no more.  

    My heart beat very rapidly as it does when I sense His presence – all through this talk.    Also, my eyes remained open all the time and I blinked only once or twice and then it hurt quite a bit – so I know I wasn't dreaming. 

    But still, when I woke up the next morning I was afraid it might be the work of the devil.    So we went to Mass and when I received Communion, I heard the same clearness in my mind say,  Yes, that was me.   And He inspired me on this point – that I have put my trust in Him and He wouldn't break that trust or allow it to be broken.    And so I know it is all true and I can be glad – even if still a little confused – and awed.

    “Do not be proud” – I know that's right.

    This night I awoke to a dazzle of shimmering figures weaving in and out amongst each other.   I was awed and asked what is that and the answer was, ”They are angels.”

    Then Jesus spoke and sternly, 

          "Do not mock me." 

    Then,

              "I am your King.”

    Then,

             ”Love me." 

     And that was all.  

    I remember two things he also said the night before – “Go to confession," and, ”Do not be afraid to speak" in other words, to those I feel I should help, am called on to help.   "The right words will come to you.” 

    The Lord spoke to me again after I said a rosary – there was a great dazzle of light shining from a host-shaped image.    At its right hand was a St. Andrew's Cross – X.   The light made the whole – upper half of my body “tingle" – that’s exactly the word – like a slight electric shock.  

    Then I said I was afraid – and a voice said, do not be afraid.   And Jesus said, "I have not come here to smite you down, but to help you to do good things," and we spoke of a few things that were troubling me and He reassured me.   I think He thinks I'm humorous for when He speaks I sense His smile.   He said he would help my Uncle Edmond who I’ve been praying the rosary for. 

    This was in the morning – also – the bright light – I felt drawn into it – but I couldn't be.   I mean to say, I felt a barrier. 

    After praying the rosary I cried to God to bring all my friends here to Him - and I felt myself transported to my home town and I thought of how I loved it there and I offered to the Blessed Mother all my tears (because I've missed my town so much) and to the Father I offered the merits of His Son, Who died for us.* 

                                                                                              *So that he would bring my town to Him.

    At this point I began to really cry and suddenly I felt myself in spirit to be before a statue of the Holy Mother in St. Anne's school, in the corridor, near the principal’s office on the ground floor.    From here I could see all my town from the Church to the hills.  Particularly Anthony's house.    The Blessed Mother said to me then, (I had asked of God that all of Readville be brought to Him)   “All those who pass before my statue here, to them it will be done as you have asked."   And I felt great joy thinking of all the children who pass by there everyday.  

    But I worried whether I should make this known to everyone there and she said, "Don't worry - My Son will take care of that."  

     Today I prayed with joy as I am coming closer to Jesus.   Yet I was troubled over these words and visions of mine – I experienced doubts as to their authenticity.  Jesus spoke clearly, "Do not look for bright lights – after all, the devil could send those.    No, rather you will see Me by your faith, your love, and your good deeds to others."    At this point it was as though the devil railed against me with bad thoughts – like darkness against the light of God’s good voice.   The devil torments me often, I said.   

    "You must fight against bad thoughts," said Jesus, "to do this, call upon My name." 

    After this, I prayed some more.    Yet I still had doubts.    I will wait before I write down the latest of these conversations, I said to myself – until the weekend.    I'm sure I'll be able to remember every word in detail – I always have been able to.   Instantly as I said this I could only remember the last sentence in today's conversation and that barely.    I tried and tried to remember - not one word came back.    Naturally, I became frightened – what had I done?   “I will believe," I prayed, "if you will return these words to me." 

    But nothing.    I stopped and considered the facts.    I do believe, I decided.   Then the words came back – as clearly as they always do.    Immediately. 

    I felt His concern for me – but also that He was slightly impatient with me – and I can't say I blame Him.  

    At Communion He said my Uncle Edmund has not been dying from cancer but from lack of giving love.    I am as sure as I can be that He is going to cure Edmund physically & spiritually. 

The Lord said, "Adore me and glorify me" – this is the gist of it.